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This is the end

This is the end - Brenda Leasure

I waited two weeks for my husband to apologize for his behaviour during our last fight, and for letting me down. Initially, I took it as one of our regular quarrels; I didn't pay much attention to it. But when he exploded without any warning and stormed out of the house saying he was done putting up with me, he got all my attention.

Fourteen days ago, I came down with the flu, and I asked him to prepare something for dinner. I was barely standing, and my head was spinning. I heard him mumbling something, and I assumed he agreed with me. I didn’t have the strength to walk all the way to his bedroom and check it. I dragged myself to the bed and fell asleep.

Three hours later I woke up and asked him to warm up the food he had prepared for supper and bring it to my bed. I was shivering, and the thought of having some warm food made me think I would feel better.

When I saw he didn't cook, I got upset and called him “selfish and insensitive” for not thinking of me, that I was sick and I needed some help. Until that moment he had continuously played his favorite game “Assassin’s creed” without caring about my needs. He was playing that stupid game on daily basis, so I knew that he could have taken a break from it.  But no, he had to act as silly teenager!

All this time I have tried to find the reasons why I was still with him. After digging deep, I realized that the love was gone. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware of it until now, when I saw it was the convenience and the routine of our married life that kept us together.

No wonder we had less and less things to talk about! We were living parallel lives. We shared the roof, the meals and the last name. The rest was done independently. We had separate bedrooms, different passions, and different schedules. Whenever our tolerance level to each other’s habits dropped, we both had withdrawn in our separate world, avoiding any contact.

In fact, we distanced so much one from another that we lost the meaning of being together. Formally we were still a couple, but in reality we weren't. Our love story ended, and we were facing the cold reality of being miserable together. Maybe he saw it first?!

I couldn't say exactly when our feelings faded away. It was pointless wasting more time analyzing it. 

This morning I realized there was nothing to be said or done. This entire wait made me understand that what we had wasn't worth being saved, thus I wanted a divorce. As far as I was concerned he could have stayed in the house a few weeks more, until he was able to find a decent apartment. After that, he was free to roam on the Alberta asphalt, wherever he wanted. I didn't care anymore.

 

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